7 Year Journey to Life

August 14, 2012 Leave a comment

Follow my 7 Year Journey to Life, blogs wherein I am walking accepted and allowed internal patterns that has separated me from who I really am as life, in a process of Self-Honest Self-Forgiveness, as well as external patterns that make out the world system that we are all collectively agreeing on and manifesting, to re-write myself in ways that support self/life.

English: niklasredefined.wordpress.com/

Swedish: niklas7resa.wordpress.com/

The Journey to Life project now has its own group on facebook, where you can find hundreds of other JTL bloggers:

2012 “Moralist” as Fear Label

April 9, 2012 3 comments

Today I stumbled upon yet another fear label in a facebook group about classical music.  Someone had posted images of supposedly “funny” album covers from past times. I noticed that the majority of them were quite explicitly sexist in nature and obviously designed by men, for men. One cover featured a nude woman with a cat in her lap with the text “My pussy belongs to daddy”. And some of them were more “subtle” like the cover of a female flutist with the pornographic text “My lips are for blowing”. Obviously the one that posted the images was a man and the laughter chorus that followed was also all male, only interrupted by a woman that dared to question the relevance of the images. Immediately she was attacked and called/labeled a “moralist” and a “moral guardian”. This is one of many labels that serves to instill fear whenever anyone questions the prevailing patterns, as a protection mechanism of the system. Thus, whenever someone attempts to label you – know one thing: they exist within fear of loss. The one that labeled the woman as a “moral guardian” was in fact the guardian of an abusive system. Questioning sexism and objectification has got nothing to do with “moralism”, since morality obviously is conditional and fluctuating in relation to ones cultural programming. Sexism is simply unacceptable because it’s not in line with an Equal, Best for All Life here on earth.

Many of the men that seemingly laughed might actually not have found the images funny at all, but laughed just because of fear of being labeled as “moralist”/”moral guardian”/”prude”/”politically correct”. I sure didn’t laugh, because since walking the Desteni I Process I have developed the courage to not stand for abuse without being directed by the fear of being crucified. If you also want to develop the courage to stand regardless of the system guardians to create a world free from sexism and fear labels and all kinds of abuse and separation, investigate Desteni I Process and Equalmoney.org and walk yourself into a trustworthy human being that stands for and honors All Life as Equal.

Featured Artwork by Matti Freeman
Facebook: www.facebook.com/MattiFreeman
Youtube: www.youtube.com/user/MattiFreeman1 + www.youtube.com/user/eruittam
Blogs: mattifreeman.blogspot.com + matterfreeman.blogspot.com

My book recommendation of the month

2012 Physical Fears vs. Mental Fears

March 16, 2012 Leave a comment

When talking about fear, it’s necessary to differentiate between two categories of fear – namely Physical Fear and Mental Fear. You could also call them Substantial Fear and Non-Substantial Fear. The reason I want to make this clear is a few comments I have seen since we started the FEAR WEEK project on youtube and facebook. These comments come from the notion that all fears are “natural” and beneficial and that they derive from a process of evolution and thus shouldn’t be questioned or challenged. They oftentimes come with examples where fear would be beneficial – situations of imminent danger, such as a bear attack or a car being about to hit you. These are however all examples of PHYSICAL fears where it’s COMMON SENSE to physically react, meaning moving your physical body out of harm’s way. The physical fear is thus an in the moment thing and triggered by an actual and physical in the moment event.

The mental fear however would for example be to after a bear attack go into an obsessed/possessed state of constant worrying of being attacked by bears when in a forest or even by looking at a picture of a bear/forest or hearing the word bear/forest. This would be a non-substantial fear of something that isn’t present here in the moment and that rather limits and imprisons us than it benefits us, as well as it many times lead to direct physical harm and abuse of life. And the only way to release oneself from the bondage of and transcend such memory based fears and to stop being directed by mental creations is to specifically dissect and face them with self-honest self-forgiveness and to actually walk the correction into reality.

Investigate Desteni I Process

For more examples of mental/non-substantial fears see:

2012 Why do I walk with Desteni?

January 20, 2012 2 comments

What made me listen to Desteni was of course first of all the message, but also the bluntness, directness and rawness with which it was delivered – nothing veiled with “beautiful” paraphrases, but the UNDENIABLE reality as it is. And the cardinal point was that Desteni actually provided me with practical common sense solutions to both the internal fuckedness and its external counterpart and reflection as this whole world. Desteni provided me with tools with which I could face myself instead of suppressing what I had become with meditation and “light” and “love”. I had finally access to tools that enabled me to investigate myself and stop myself from existing as a clone of my parents and a slave to my programming. Tools with which I could release myself from the bondage and chains of my past and this conditioned automatisms and transcend all mental creations to become actually self-willed and self-directive. It wasn’t about “personal growth” in the normal sense, “evolving” or adding even more to the fuckedness but rather devolving, peeling off and deprogramming.

In late 2007 I had since a year been caught up in spirituality and was at this point quite frustrated with that nothing was actually changing. The “lingo” within the spiritual community was always covered in the sweetest honey and all that was required to be accepted within the spiritual community was to regurgitate a bunch of empty paraphrases – “namaste dear brother of light” – and if you brought in any “negativity” – such as talking about war, rape, starvation – you would be ostracized by the community. This seemed very “off” to me from the very beginning, but I was far too addicted to the positive feelings I “gained” from my participation with spirituality and new age to put down my foot and say “enough!” so to speak. So I continued to bury my head in the sand until Desteni swept the comfy rug from under my feet with words that I just couldn’t possibly deny or resist. Finding Desteni thus saved me from digging my head deeper into this spiritual mind fuck and pretty quickly I started to see what I was participating in – namely that I was desperately trying to flee from myself and my self-responsibility by creating a spiritual universe where I could justify everything with there being some “higher purpose” for it all – completely disregarding myself as a creator through my acceptances and allowances and disregarding the one and only thing that allowed me to live in “bliss” and “happiness” – MONEY.

Within the raw and unfiltered uncovering of reality as it really is I realized that Desteni wasn’t here to make me feel happy and blissful or good about myself – they weren’t aiming to please me or tell me what I wanted to hear – which furthermore made me realize the absolute credibility of Desteni.

Light, love and bliss was certainly the path of least resistance, but at what cost? If I would have stayed within spirituality I would have continued to justify the abuse with “karma” and “purpose” and I would have continued to pump money into the spiritual industry without ever question myself or the state of this world. As destonians we refrain from sugar coating things, we are brutally and head-on exposing the layers of lies that we have deliberately accepted and allowed both collectively as humanity and individually as the “natural state”. With Self-Honesty and Self-Forgiveness I have been able to investigate specifically how I have created the personality which I used to believe was ‘who I am’ and believed was ‘set in stone’, and deprogram myself from that which hinders and limits me from being Here within and as the physical, all that which separates me from the physical, all that which hinders me to stand up and do what is best for all.

Since walking with Desteni for almost 4 years and having applied the tools I have for instance been able to stop Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, alcohol- and pornography addiction – and push myself beyond my perceived limits just to realize that they’re not real. And I continue to dis-cover who I really am as Life and re-write myself and push myself to walk myself into a trustworthy human being that honors Life.

The validity and the proof of the effectiveness of the tools is right here, shared and researched within thousands of blogs and vlogs by Destonians – and for me the proof is within how I personally have changed and been able to effectively push through perceived limitations of the mind. But by all means prove it to yourself – don’t take my word for it. Self-honesty and self-forgiveness will cost you zero cents and is the greatest gift you can ever give yourself.

Here you find the tools and the solution to the internal as well as the external fuckedness:

2011 painting is physical

October 12, 2011 4 comments

I have finally started to paint again after a long time of shilly-shallying and I’m enjoying it quite a lot. I have basically not touched the paint brushes for about one and a half year now. The last time I painted I was within the SRA course in the process of dissecting and investigating the starting point of me painting and how I had come to form the persona as “the artist” and all the definitions I had attached to that whole persona, which affected the whole of me. Instead of painting or drawing as an unconditional physical self-expression in the moment I was trying hard to fit into the idea I had in my mind of how an artist is supposed to be. And when I couldn’t reach the expectations I had set-up for myself to fulfill the definition/idea of “artist”, through participating in comparison with other artists, I went into depression. And this was also part of the idea of how an artist should be – namely self-judgmental and never satisfied with his work, always striving to exceed himself – and if I wasn’t participating in that I wasn’t “a real artist”. And the depression validated the point of “I need to try harder” and so I was in a seemingly never ending cycle.

During my whole upbringing I was surrounded by art, as my grandfather was an artist. Seeing him getting appraisal and admiration in exhibitions and magazines was always very exciting and I used this as a point to validate my own ego with by bragging about my grandfather in school. The first time I remember being really fascinated by art was at an exhibition with monumental paintings when I was about 7 years old. I was completely captivated and amazed by the colors, forms and compositions and sat for hours and just stared. It was here I decided to become an artist myself and I wanted to achieve what I saw in this exhibition. I wanted to achieve the same “greatness” and perfection. When I was about 8 or 9 my elder brother started taking painting lessons and had an exhibition in a hair salon and I remember being quite jealous of him getting all the attention and appreciation. This jealousy possessed me to the point where I actually painted on one of his paintings, to sabotage for my brother. At home we were always encouraged to paint and draw, and the point of comparing my paintings and drawings with his and within that judging myself as less than was quite prominent.

It was after high school that I seriously began painting. I was fed up with school and I did not want to have anything to do with society, so I basically isolated myself from the world in my parent’s garage and started to paint daily. I thought that art as a way out of the system – a way to free myself from education, career, society, norms – I even saw myself above of all that and started to judge people who wasn’t artists, started to see myself as above and “more free” than everyone else. I was reading a lot of artist biographies and started to identify myself with the artists, especially the ones who were the most “misunderstood”, the most miserable – the outsiders and the misfits – and I justified my fear of the society and my self-isolation through these artists.  And I saw these artists as geniuses whom I worshiped with great reverence. I began believing that I as an artist was god-sent to “enlighten” humanity and started to form this “dark”, “deep”, “mystical” persona that wasn’t concerned with “worldly matters”.  I began living ascetically and even starved myself before painting, as I believed that suffering was an essential part of being a great artist. The geniuses I worshiped I was becoming more and more jealous of as I was in constant comparison with them. I was never satisfied with my work and always chased “the perfect painting”. Sometimes I wanted to quit, but I believed that my grandfather had passed on an important “legacy” to me and that it was my “duty” to maintain the “gift” I had inherited.

At 25 I sold my first painting and saw the money as “validation” and proof of my “worth” as an artist and myself. I got the opportunity to exhibit my art in a busy downtown restaurant and sold more and more paintings. After the “highs” of feeling “accomplished” I went downhill pretty fast and shifted between highs and lows constantly, either loathing my art and myself or loving it/myself. When I wasn’t able to “progress” I sunk in to a state of depression and drank a lot of alcohol.

I became more and more spiteful in my expression and my anger and frustration with myself, which I blamed on “the world”, “the society” and “the system”, was quite overwhelming. I wanted to say “fuck you” with my art and started to embrace the nonsensical. My art transformed from something “esoterical” and “spiritual” to nonsense – yet another polarity – from “higher purpose” to “pointlessness”. I still perceived myself to be “free”, “independent”, “special”, “otherworldly” though and believed that “I can do whatever I want to because I’m an artist”.

After thoroughly and specifically taking this construct apart I no longer had the same urge or desire to paint and I made it quite secondary as there are obviously more relevant points at hand within this reality. Although I’m now painting daily since a couple of days and make sure to stop all comparisons, self-judgments, separation and beliefs – and painting is certainly so much more a physical thing for me now than it was before I had a look at this construct – it’s more like dancing on the canvas with my hands and as such so much more enjoying.  I don’t require to be “an artist” to paint – all I require is to be Here physically moving the brush as I breathe, within the realization that I am painting me as who I am in the moment.

2011 One Year of No Alcohol

October 5, 2011 8 comments

In July this year it was exactly one year since I took the decision to ban alcohol from my life, despite the encouragement to continue drinking from parents, friends and media. That ethanol is one of the most lethal neurotoxins in the world, is highly addictive and makes one lose control and become completely unreliable was not the starting-point of my decision (although it made the decision easier to make) – but it was rather my relationship with alcohol throughout my life that made me question my alcohol intake. I realize that I don’t require alcohol in any way to be Here, it does not support me as the physical in any way what so ever. Quite the other way around, it harms my physical body extensively and further enslaves me to and as my mind.

When I was about 7 I tasted alcohol for the first time. It was on a journey in Europe with my parents where we drove between wine farms to taste and buy wines. I remember tasting wine in a damp and murky cellar, becoming very dizzy and falling asleep in the car for hours. My parents thought it was “cute” and still does to this day. Growing up I saw my parents getting drunk at parties or at home. I saw how tense and suppressed they could be and how all that changed with that magic potion they were served by the hosts. Although I didn’t like seeing my parents in that state, their expression didn’t seem real to me. I remember one night at a party where me and my friend set fire to a large plastic flower urn right in front of our parents. They just laughed and weren’t the least concerned with this apparent danger.

At dinners at home from about age 10 I was always encourage to have a small glass of wine with the excuse “it’s good for your blood!”. I started drinking more and more wine at home, and when I was about 15 it wasn’t uncommon that I shared 2 bottles of wine with my parents. I started to like the feeling of dozing away, and all the anxieties relating to school or fear of what to do with myself in the future just disappeared for a moment. My main starting point of drinking alcohol was to be able to express myself in ways I wouldn’t dare expressing myself in when ‘sober’ and to get rid of the anxiety and uncomfortability I experienced in social contexts. A huge point was also to get sex – to dare and approach girls. I used to be extremely sociable and talkative when I was intoxicated. It was at the time the only way I knew how to express myself – alcohol was the only tool I had to overcome my fears and social anxiety.

At 15 I also had my first ‘drunk-out-of-my-mind’ experience at a party for my high school class. The trigger point was the usual social anxiety and fear of expressing myself. From fearful and shy I became the exact opposite – a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde experience – or maybe I should say Dr. Jackal and Mr. Hide lol. At this specific party I became drunk only an hour in when everyone else was quite sober. It was actually a party that was supposed to be more ‘tidy’ and well-behaved, since some parents attended it. That’s another point – most of us are taught to drink by our parents, and although when they catch their children drunk they reprimand them. Anyway – I remember stealing alcohol from my friends at this party and my back-chat even before the party started was “I have to get drunk – I can’t bare going through this without being drunk”. So, one hour in I was interrupting the toastmaster, standing on chairs loudly expressing my disgust over events like these and finally pretending that I was a moose with two bear bottles on my head whilst making moose-sounds and chasing some girl that was frightened of me. Jesus fucking Christ. When Monday arrived I was quite nervous of going back to school, but while walking through the corridors people cheered me like I was ‘the hero of the day’ – which I took as something positive and created feelings of appreciation and pride in relation to. What a fuck up.

Drinking continued and escalated to a point where I didn’t dare to express myself without alcohol in my body. Meeting people became harder and harder and I “had to” consume alcohol before meeting or even calling someone on the phone. And instead of questioning and facing the point of social anxiety I suppressed the points with alcohol. Eventually my body said NO MORE and my stomach got quite fucked up. I could hardly eat solid food for over a year and was spending most of my time in bed in an almost catatonic state – eventually I sought medical “help” and was prescribed other drugs which I became addicted to as well, that’s a different story though.

Later in life I created a lot of excuses/justifications to continue the drinking and thus covering up the original starting-point – which was fear and anxiety. One of these excuses was seeing wine, beer and whisky as something “sophisticated”. I created/formed a whole personality/identity around my drinking – “the connoisseur” – and used words like “tradition”, “culture”, “sophistication”, “interest” and “hobby” to justify addiction and abuse. I collected and drank “fine” beers and whisky’s for many years but when I started to get to the bottom of why I started drinking in the first place and why I was still drinking I realized that it was all bullshit. Another excuse I used was to drink alcohol to be able to paint ‘something cool’ – which was encouraged by my family who often said “have one more glass of wine so that you may paint something nice tonight” – jeez.

When I mention to people that I don’t drink alcohol anymore and that it is a self-honest decision based in the principle of what is Best for All they often react to the word principle – simply because they believe they would restrict and compromise themselves within following a principle – and that they somehow “loose” their “free will” within it – that it has to be within one’s own “choice” to make such a decision. What they fail to see is the so called “free will” is programmed and conditioned by media/school/family. Where was my “free will” when I was pumped with propaganda from the alcohol industry through media as a child? Where was my “free will” when I was exposed to the normalization of the use of alcohol in TV-shows and movies? Where was my “free will” when I saw my parents getting drunk every weekend? Obviously you see that the whole “free will”-argument is quite invalid.

I used to equate alcohol/being drunk with “Life”/being alive, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. It rather adds to the separation from the physical and reinforces the illusion that is the mind consciousness system and is used as a way to “cope” with oneself in the current monetary system where stress and fear of survival governs one’s life.

Giving up alcohol and partying is NOT giving up on Life, quite the other way around. That “sober” is seen as a special state in polarity to being drunk and the fact that one in our society is questioned and often mocked when one is taking the decision to stop alcohol should raise some red flags. The idea that you need an external “lubricant” to be able to express yourself in ways you aren’t daring to express yourself in while “sober” should also raise some red flags.

The bullshit science reports that pop up now and then proclaiming that alcohol has great health benefits and is “good for your heart” are completely disregarding that alcohol-related injury is the number one cause of death in the 15 to 30 years old age group; completely disregarding that alcohol is a well-established risk factor for numerous cancers; completely disregarding the vast amount of violent acts caused by intoxicated people; completely disregarding that while preventing certain types of heart disease, alcohol has been clearly linked to heart rhythm problems and cardiomyopathy leading to congestive heart failure (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9799954); completely disregarding the fact that most heart-diseases are linked to the life-style in the current system.

Let’s remove stress from life with Equal Money System: http://equalmoney.org

Dare to investigate yourself and learn how to stop any addiction or fear with the tools of Self-Honesty, Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction. Walk yourself into a trustworthy and responsible being that Honors All Life Unconditionally: http://www.desteni.org

Here’s some further quotes and reading on how alcohol damages your body and brain:


“Alcohol is a neurotoxin associated with significant morbidity and mortality…it may raise blood pressure, damage the myocardium, precipitate arrhythmias and damage the developing fetal heart” (Sceepers, B.C. “Alcohol and the Brain.” British Journal of Hospital Medicine, 1997; 57: 543-51).

“It is well recognized that alcohol increases the risk of injury” (Guohua, L. “Alcohol and injury severity. Journal of Trauma 1997; 42:562-69).

“Alcohol can lead to potentially hazardous hypoglycemia.” (Meeking, D.R. “Alcohol ingestions and glycemic control. Diabetic Medicine 1997; 14:279-83).

“…alcohol related problems include liver disease, dementia, confusion, peripheral neuropathy, insomnia, seizure disorders, poor nutrition, incontinence, diarrhea, myopathy, inadequate self care, macroaocytosis, depression, fractures, and adverse reactions to medications” (Fink, A. “Alcohol related problems in older persons” Archives of Internal Medicine 1997; 157:242-3).

“Alcohol has consistently been related to risks of sqaumous cell cancer…” (Thomas, D.B.

“Alcohol as a cause of cancer. Environmental Health Perspectives 1995; 103:153-60).

“The influence of alcohol on sexual behavior is part of popular knowledge” (Donovan, C. “A review of the literature examining the relationship between alcohol use and HIV related sexual risk-taking in young people.” Addiction 1997; 90:319-28).

More relevant vlogs&blogs on alcohol:


2011 The Ultimate Proof that Psychiatry is Flawed

September 26, 2011 1 comment

Several Swedish news sources have lately reported about a 47 year old Swedish man that has held a number of women incarcerated in the basement of a deserted house where he raped and tortured them. The traditional forensic psychiatric examination that follows on crimes of this kind, explained that the man did not suffer from any serious mental disorder.


This is not the first time that the psychiatric “expertise” declares someone that is obviously mentally unstable and disturbed as mentally “sound” and “healthy”. When one is violating another and get a kick out of seeing another suffer, only considering one’s own personal pleasure, one is obviously disturbed and in serious need of proper rehabilitation. A well-functioning and responsible society based on the principles of equality, dignity and what is best for all would not accept this as ”normal” behavior, as a part of “human nature” and declare such behavior ”healthy”. What does this say this about our society? What does this say about psychiatry? Is this not the ultimate proof that psychiatry is a fake and flawed science?

Worth noting is that it is well known that the man in question has been a major consumer of pornography, in particular sadomasochistic pornography. This is yet another proof that pornography distorts men’s minds and leads to violent crime and abuse. Without pornography we would certainly see far fewer of these kinds of heinous deeds, and within an Equality based society where it is neither possible nor necessary to make profit, pornography would obviously disappear – as the majority involved in the creation of pornography, both producers and actors, are involved due to the need to make money.

Pornography is not a human right. Neither is it something you voluntarily participate in or consume, since you already as a small child were programmed by the sexism in media that is becoming rougher and rougher by time. The normalization of sadism and torture of women in pornography distorts young men and leads them to believe that this is what sex is all about. Combined with this conditioning, violence of this kind is an expression of inhibitions and repressed fantasies and emotions which germinate in an environment where sex is seen as something “forbidden” and “dirty”, and pornography further adds to the secret and hidden fantasies and thoughts that eventually “spill over” and completely possess the individual. Pornography is abuse in every single way, and there is absolutely no room for it in an Equal society.

With the help of Desteni I Process and applying the tools of self-honesty, self-forgiveness and self-correction, one is able to investigate oneself how one has specifically formed each mind pattern and stop any form of addiction effectively to walk oneself into a self-responsible being that honors Life. I urge you to visit:




Watch my story of how masturbation from being an unconditional and innocent form of self-expression became an energetic addiction completely enslaving me:


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