2011 One Year of No Alcohol

In July this year it was exactly one year since I took the decision to ban alcohol from my life, despite the encouragement to continue drinking from parents, friends and media. That ethanol is one of the most lethal neurotoxins in the world, is highly addictive and makes one lose control and become completely unreliable was not the starting-point of my decision (although it made the decision easier to make) – but it was rather my relationship with alcohol throughout my life that made me question my alcohol intake. I realize that I don’t require alcohol in any way to be Here, it does not support me as the physical in any way what so ever. Quite the other way around, it harms my physical body extensively and further enslaves me to and as my mind.

When I was about 7 I tasted alcohol for the first time. It was on a journey in Europe with my parents where we drove between wine farms to taste and buy wines. I remember tasting wine in a damp and murky cellar, becoming very dizzy and falling asleep in the car for hours. My parents thought it was “cute” and still does to this day. Growing up I saw my parents getting drunk at parties or at home. I saw how tense and suppressed they could be and how all that changed with that magic potion they were served by the hosts. Although I didn’t like seeing my parents in that state, their expression didn’t seem real to me. I remember one night at a party where me and my friend set fire to a large plastic flower urn right in front of our parents. They just laughed and weren’t the least concerned with this apparent danger.

At dinners at home from about age 10 I was always encourage to have a small glass of wine with the excuse “it’s good for your blood!”. I started drinking more and more wine at home, and when I was about 15 it wasn’t uncommon that I shared 2 bottles of wine with my parents. I started to like the feeling of dozing away, and all the anxieties relating to school or fear of what to do with myself in the future just disappeared for a moment. My main starting point of drinking alcohol was to be able to express myself in ways I wouldn’t dare expressing myself in when ‘sober’ and to get rid of the anxiety and uncomfortability I experienced in social contexts. A huge point was also to get sex – to dare and approach girls. I used to be extremely sociable and talkative when I was intoxicated. It was at the time the only way I knew how to express myself – alcohol was the only tool I had to overcome my fears and social anxiety.

At 15 I also had my first ‘drunk-out-of-my-mind’ experience at a party for my high school class. The trigger point was the usual social anxiety and fear of expressing myself. From fearful and shy I became the exact opposite – a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde experience – or maybe I should say Dr. Jackal and Mr. Hide lol. At this specific party I became drunk only an hour in when everyone else was quite sober. It was actually a party that was supposed to be more ‘tidy’ and well-behaved, since some parents attended it. That’s another point – most of us are taught to drink by our parents, and although when they catch their children drunk they reprimand them. Anyway – I remember stealing alcohol from my friends at this party and my back-chat even before the party started was “I have to get drunk – I can’t bare going through this without being drunk”. So, one hour in I was interrupting the toastmaster, standing on chairs loudly expressing my disgust over events like these and finally pretending that I was a moose with two bear bottles on my head whilst making moose-sounds and chasing some girl that was frightened of me. Jesus fucking Christ. When Monday arrived I was quite nervous of going back to school, but while walking through the corridors people cheered me like I was ‘the hero of the day’ – which I took as something positive and created feelings of appreciation and pride in relation to. What a fuck up.

Drinking continued and escalated to a point where I didn’t dare to express myself without alcohol in my body. Meeting people became harder and harder and I “had to” consume alcohol before meeting or even calling someone on the phone. And instead of questioning and facing the point of social anxiety I suppressed the points with alcohol. Eventually my body said NO MORE and my stomach got quite fucked up. I could hardly eat solid food for over a year and was spending most of my time in bed in an almost catatonic state – eventually I sought medical “help” and was prescribed other drugs which I became addicted to as well, that’s a different story though.

Later in life I created a lot of excuses/justifications to continue the drinking and thus covering up the original starting-point – which was fear and anxiety. One of these excuses was seeing wine, beer and whisky as something “sophisticated”. I created/formed a whole personality/identity around my drinking – “the connoisseur” – and used words like “tradition”, “culture”, “sophistication”, “interest” and “hobby” to justify addiction and abuse. I collected and drank “fine” beers and whisky’s for many years but when I started to get to the bottom of why I started drinking in the first place and why I was still drinking I realized that it was all bullshit. Another excuse I used was to drink alcohol to be able to paint ‘something cool’ – which was encouraged by my family who often said “have one more glass of wine so that you may paint something nice tonight” – jeez.

When I mention to people that I don’t drink alcohol anymore and that it is a self-honest decision based in the principle of what is Best for All they often react to the word principle – simply because they believe they would restrict and compromise themselves within following a principle – and that they somehow “loose” their “free will” within it – that it has to be within one’s own “choice” to make such a decision. What they fail to see is the so called “free will” is programmed and conditioned by media/school/family. Where was my “free will” when I was pumped with propaganda from the alcohol industry through media as a child? Where was my “free will” when I was exposed to the normalization of the use of alcohol in TV-shows and movies? Where was my “free will” when I saw my parents getting drunk every weekend? Obviously you see that the whole “free will”-argument is quite invalid.

I used to equate alcohol/being drunk with “Life”/being alive, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. It rather adds to the separation from the physical and reinforces the illusion that is the mind consciousness system and is used as a way to “cope” with oneself in the current monetary system where stress and fear of survival governs one’s life.

Giving up alcohol and partying is NOT giving up on Life, quite the other way around. That “sober” is seen as a special state in polarity to being drunk and the fact that one in our society is questioned and often mocked when one is taking the decision to stop alcohol should raise some red flags. The idea that you need an external “lubricant” to be able to express yourself in ways you aren’t daring to express yourself in while “sober” should also raise some red flags.

The bullshit science reports that pop up now and then proclaiming that alcohol has great health benefits and is “good for your heart” are completely disregarding that alcohol-related injury is the number one cause of death in the 15 to 30 years old age group; completely disregarding that alcohol is a well-established risk factor for numerous cancers; completely disregarding the vast amount of violent acts caused by intoxicated people; completely disregarding that while preventing certain types of heart disease, alcohol has been clearly linked to heart rhythm problems and cardiomyopathy leading to congestive heart failure (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9799954); completely disregarding the fact that most heart-diseases are linked to the life-style in the current system.

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Dare to investigate yourself and learn how to stop any addiction or fear with the tools of Self-Honesty, Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction. Walk yourself into a trustworthy and responsible being that Honors All Life Unconditionally: http://www.desteni.org

Here’s some further quotes and reading on how alcohol damages your body and brain:

http://alcalc.oxfordjournals.org/content/21/4/325.short

“Alcohol is a neurotoxin associated with significant morbidity and mortality…it may raise blood pressure, damage the myocardium, precipitate arrhythmias and damage the developing fetal heart” (Sceepers, B.C. “Alcohol and the Brain.” British Journal of Hospital Medicine, 1997; 57: 543-51).

“It is well recognized that alcohol increases the risk of injury” (Guohua, L. “Alcohol and injury severity. Journal of Trauma 1997; 42:562-69).

“Alcohol can lead to potentially hazardous hypoglycemia.” (Meeking, D.R. “Alcohol ingestions and glycemic control. Diabetic Medicine 1997; 14:279-83).

“…alcohol related problems include liver disease, dementia, confusion, peripheral neuropathy, insomnia, seizure disorders, poor nutrition, incontinence, diarrhea, myopathy, inadequate self care, macroaocytosis, depression, fractures, and adverse reactions to medications” (Fink, A. “Alcohol related problems in older persons” Archives of Internal Medicine 1997; 157:242-3).

“Alcohol has consistently been related to risks of sqaumous cell cancer…” (Thomas, D.B.

“Alcohol as a cause of cancer. Environmental Health Perspectives 1995; 103:153-60).

“The influence of alcohol on sexual behavior is part of popular knowledge” (Donovan, C. “A review of the literature examining the relationship between alcohol use and HIV related sexual risk-taking in young people.” Addiction 1997; 90:319-28).

More relevant vlogs&blogs on alcohol:

http://www.matterfreeman.com/2012/02/do-drugs-and-alcohol-let-me-experience.html